Perspective. The subjectivity of view. I don't know what is dealing me this question at this level right now. Is it reading Richard Hell's autobiography? ( I Dreamed I was a very clean tramp), a very uncanny landscape of my growing up years in NYC, or an encounter with a very intelligent, highly functioning autistic economist/ drummer in a bar here in Edmonton, Canada, that makes me humble to the infinite space that we confront? I just don't know. All it makes me want to resolve (It's January 1st BTW), is that all we can do is plunge. Headlong in to the future. No judgment. No foul. Just go for it.
I felt a kindred spirit with this strange, uncomfortable person, William. Only a couple of molecules here and there separates me from him. Awkwardness is a fundamental handicap the individual carries. The axiom that you have something original so you don't fit. It was everything punk was about. Rock'n roll. Being a teenager trapped in a grown up world. It's no mystery that the most common byproduct of this is anger and alienation, but after a lifetime in music and the arts I find it tawdry. An easy out. Plus it's old. We've heard it all before.
It's an uphill struggle. Staying afloat long enough to think of an incisive question to ask in the hope of getting closer to answers. But total rejection is a copout. And anyway , the alternative is much more interesting.